This can be one of the most distressing cries of men. That desire to become a dad, to hold a small bundle of life in your cradling arms. To hear those coos and to tend to those tears and cries.
Why do I say ‘distressing cries’, well, sadly for some, miscarriage can end within the first four weeks of pregnancy, this currently occurs in 25% of pregnancies. At eight weeks that figure lies at around 5%, with a staggering 80% of miscarriages happening within the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.
There-after the rate will decrease quickly. Sadly miscarriage can occur later in pregnancy, mainly due to Chromosome problems such as Down’s syndrome, or structural issues, for example spina bifida.
At whatever stage of miscarriage, it has a devastating effect on the woman who has physically gone through the trauma. Thankfully there are many support networks, including parents, GP’s and counsellors to draw alongside the mother.
For the man in the relationship, whether he is a husband/partner, there will be the feeling of loss, the confusion, anger, helplessness, depression and even guilt which may be hard to confront or talk about. Some guys will want to seek that help with their emotions and feelings, others will probably internalise or find alternative ways to cope, maybe drinking or use of drugs to try and block out the emotions/feelings.
From experience, I remember feeling helpless and a great deal of depression as I stood by my wife and our losses. It took me a long time to come to be able to talk about what I was going through. I did have a lot of people offering support, I didn’t take the opportunity to reach out. Maybe that was pride or just fending for myself and my feelings.
It was only until I managed to talk about it to a good friend that I allowed those feelings and emotions that I’d bottled up, to be free and to allow myself that time to grieve and start the journey to my healing.
I urge any readers to take that opportunity, however hard that may be to reach out to someone, to talk about how they are feeling, what their experiences are and to start their own journey.
I am able to help, if you need someone to talk to. please use the Contact Form to make that connection to someone who may understand those feelings.
